God laid in on my heart to create a blog in a powerful way. Obedience brings blessings is what he spoke to me so I am creating this blog in an act of obedience to my God. Some of you that are reading this may know me, and if you have kept in touch with me recently you would know that my life has been drastically changed. For those of you who don't know me very well let me feel you in with what has happened in my life.
My Mom and Dad were divorced when I was very young, and that is all I have ever known. My Mom has been married four times, and my Dad twice. My Mom's first husband died of luekemia leaving Lucas (my brother) without a father. My Mom then met my dad who had me, my brother (Marc), and my sister (Miranda). My mom did the best she could to raise four kids as a single mother. Times were tough, but I was a child and didn't know the difference. Life was alot more simple when I was a child. My Mom married her third husband, and I would have to say that was the most stable time in my life. We were in church every time the doors were open, and we did our best as a family to have a Christ-centered home. It is truly amazing the foundation that is established in a family when God is present. He truly does bless a family that is seeking him. My older brother was on his own when tragedy struck my family when he took his own life. He left a note of how it was my Mom's fault, and how much he hated her. He was my age, 20. My brother never had a father figure, and he was always in trouble. He was constasntly seeking to feel the hole in his life with drugs, alcohol, or anything else this broken world has to offer. This path of seeking fulfillment ultimately led to him into a state of mind that he could no longer live his life. You can imagine the affect this had on my Mom. All of a sudden my Mom became dead to everything around her. Once again another marriage failed, and they got divorced. I was in 8th grade, the stage of first facing temptaions and making life changing decisions. My brother's selfish act completely tore my family apart. I started to have to deal with coming to the reality that my Mom was not perfect. I saw first hand the devastation that sin does in someone's life. She was abusing drugs, and alcohol heavily. My mom lost her sense of reality, and ultimately that began to make me question it as well.
My mom began to threaten to take her life to me, and as a child that was very hard to deal with. She ended up meeting a guy in her vulnerable state that contributed to her problem. Things were unstable. They were constantly getting in fights, and she was getting beat up. Her new husband would kick us out after a fight, and we would have no place to go. I was constantly living with friends throughout high school. I felt so alone. I started to seek fullfillment in other things. I started to use alcohol, experimented with drugs, and began to have sex. There was one thing in my life that kept me somewhat stable, and that was a wonderful father and baseball. I saw my Dad quite a bit, and he was always really involved with everything I did. I didn't live with him though. Baseball was great when I was playing or in season. I got the opportunity to play baseball in college with a baseball scholarship. I thought for sure that when I left home all my problems would go away, and I picked the farthest school that offered me (Austin Peay).
I was happy to get away from all the problems at home, and to play the game I loved. I still drank alcohol, did the drugs, and seeked a sense of intimacy with girls. Now I had every opportunity to make a new life for myself, but I was even more misereable than I was when I was home. I used my home life as an excuse for the lifestyle I was living. In my eyes it wasn't wrong. As far as I was concerend I was doing pretty good beacuse I was playing ball and going to college. I tried my best to justify what I was doing, but I couldn't. I was numbing myself with all the sin that was in my life. I resented people who didn't think like me, and I got angry at the thought of someone telling me how I was living was wrong. I was running from God, and the thought of me submitting to some kind of authority was far-fetched. God was running me down. I ended up causing alot of problems at Austin Peay and I left. I went to Chipola in Florida, and I continued to live in sin. I also started to seek God. I felt him calling me, and I kept having spiritual experiences because of it. "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13
I was up to my neck in sin, and I had no idea where to start. But I was curious. I had a pretty good year at Chipola, and my best offer was Liberty University. That was no coincidence. For those of you who don't know what Liberty University is, it is a Christian university. For the first time I began to seek God with all my heart. I was thrown in a Christian bubble, and with all the other things I did to seek fulfillment I figured this was worth a try. I was surrounded by people who came from great Christian families. I felt like an odd ball, and I was kind of embarassed of my past. I was attepting to do the right things, but I had no idea what it really meant to be a Christian. I was overwhelmed one Sunday morning by the presence of God. The message was about how some of the greatest people in the bible were people with a sinful past. It began to click to me what it really meant to be saved. I was a sinner, but I was ignorant to sin. With my own understanding there was know possible way to grasp what it meant to live a righteous life. Jesus died on the cross for my sins so that I could have life. I broked down and cried. I was by myself that Sunday, and I cried like a baby. It was the most overwhelming feeling I have ever experienced. I asked Jesus to rule my life, and that I wanted to live a life that pleased him.
That was just the beginning. It wasn't like things were perfect after that. It was a painful process for God to reveal alot of the sin in my life. I began to see life from a different perpective. My life began to change, and the sin in my life began to break my heart. I have since then experienced a love that is truly overwhelming, but here recently God has started to reveal to me the most important thing, The Holy Spirt. Jesus said this, "But the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your rememberance all that i have said to you." John 14:26 Without the Holy Spirit we have no understanding. The Holy Spirit is what speaks to us, and makes us understand God's word. The Holy Spirit is what makes a true Christian. Nothing I accomplish on my own will bring me any kind of eternal value. A life led by the power of the Holy Spirit is a life worth living. I life lived for ourselves is really insignificant compared to a life empowered by an ifinite God. If you are not experiencing God, you aren't experiencing true love. God loved us so much that he lived a perfect life, suffered, bled, and was crucified to pay a debt that we could never pay, our sins. He loved us so much that he died for us. That is love. Can you say that you have ever loved someone that much? God loves you, and he wants the best life you could ever have. God gives you peace, hope, and love that you can't get from anything else. I would not deny what God has to offer to my worst enenmy. I mean that with all my heart. I pray that you will seek God with all your heart because he will reveal himself to you. I was not really living when I wasn't experiencing God. I was going through the motions, and I was literally a dead man walking. God gave me life! Jesus died for my Sins! The Holy Spirit will Guide me through this life! I am nothing, but a sinner without God. You can do your best to make sense of this life on your own, but it isn't going to happen. If you are ready to make this change in your life, pray this prayer.
Jesus, I am sinner. I want everything you have to offer. Thank you for dieing on the cross for my sins. I want to have a relationship with you, and I want you to come and change my heart forever. Thank you for saving me Jesus, and thank you for a better life. Amen
Now that prayer prayed from the heart has eternal value, and a life submitted to an infinite God is living. Ever since God has been in my life, I have been picking up the pieces of a broken family. I have had the chance to see what God is doing with my family and it is amazing. I got a chance to share with my Mom the peace that God can bring her. Only God can comfort you through the hard times this world will take you through. I see God at work everyday in my life, and I am constantly transforming. I am still not perfect, but I know when I sin. I want to live a life like Jesus, and it takes me seeking God everyday, spending time in his word, and surrounding myself with spiritual support. I am only human, but God is what brings me understanding. I pray that you will seek God with all your heart because it will add so much more value to your life. If you have any questions feel free to contact me via email. mattmarsh70@gmail.com
May God Bless your life,
Matt Marsh
Thank you for the testimony Matthew one thing I admire about Jesus is he never gives up on us. I love knowing that God loves me unconditionally and I will never be perfect but he will never give up on me,................. you, your mom Kyle ... or your own kids later down the road. I admire him so much for his enormous love and forgiveness especially when the world we are in is sometimes forgetting and unforgiving in his name we can be brand new again. Sometimes when we are so weary in this world it is up to those around us to hold us up to God ... It reminds me of the poem footprints I am sure you know it. If he isn't doing the carrying he puts people in our lives that lift the burdens if only for a moment. Until he sees we can do it.
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